Lots of people enjoy meeting new people, spending time together and enjoying a variety of activities, including sex, without expectations or commitments. These sorts of casual relationship or hookups can be fun, flirtatious and exciting. They may be one-night stands, may last a few weeks or last a few months.
Whatever these hookups are, sometimes one or both of you find yourself desiring a more meaningful relationship. This is not too uncommon because as you learn more about each other and spend more time together, it’s only natural that feelings can grow and desires can change.
In today’s world of dating and casual relationships, many relationships begin very casually as a one-time hookup or week-end fling. The good news is that many hookups do evolve into more meaningful relationships. It happens all the time. There is hope. However, it does require that both parties share the same desire for a more meaningful relationship. If only you do and your hookup does not, then it simply won’t happen.
But, you will never know if things can work out the way you would like them to unless you pursue the relationship. Here are some things you can do to explore the possibility of a more meaningful relationship with your casual hookup safely and openly.
First, be honest with yourself. Carefully examine what you really want out of any relationship and this one in particular. If continuing as casual friends with casual sex isn’t meeting your needs, then what will? If you now desire a more meaningful relationship and your hook up does not, do you continue as is or end the relationship? Knowing what you want is critical to moving forward successfully.
Second, if you’re ready to give it a try, begin engaging your hookup in new ways and more often. Instead of getting together once a week on the weekend for some great sex, try to hang out during the week for dinner or drinks. Connect with them on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram more, friend them if you haven’t already. Try things like this for a few weeks to test the water and see if your hookup plays along or seems resistant.
Third, if your hookup seems receptive to these changes and even appears to be reciprocating in a more engaged relationship, then set up a time to talk about your feelings and desires with your casual hookup. Set aside some time to have an honest and in-depth conversation about changing the relationship to a more meaningful one. Share what you would like and listen to what they would like. It’s possible that they are having some of the same feelings and desires. It’s also possible that they are not and would like things to continue as is. Share thoughts and feelings, don’t pressure anyone and allow both of you time to reflect on your conversation.
Finally, set time for a follow-up conversation in the near future and stick to it. This allows time for independent thoughtful consideration about the conversation and lets both of you think about what each other shared. This follow-up meeting can be the first date of a more meaningful relationship, or it can be the last time you will see each other. Realize that you may have to accept either of these outcomes or anything in between, but be true to your feelings and desires.
If the relationship ends here, then walk away knowing you did everything you could to move it forward and shared what you felt, but it was just not the right person. If the follow-up conversation opens the path to a more meaningful relationship then use that get together as a first date and let the relationship develop naturally from there.