There is a common perception in today’s socially accepted casual sex and casual sex that the women who are participating in this now widespread cultural norm enjoy the experience and sex just as much as the men do. While it is true that today’s woman is more likely to pursue and engage in casual sex as compared to women from generations earlier, women are still more likely to turn down the opportunity for casual sex than men.
In a famous 1978 study conducted at Florida State University by Dr. Russel Clark and Dr. Elaine Hatfield, and confirmed with similar results in 1982, when asked for a date, the same majority of men and women accepted the date. When asked more directly to go to someone’s apartment, most of the men agreed while only six percent of the women agreed. And when asked for sex, 75 percent of the men said yes and none of the women did. This study, and others similar in nature, clearly indicate that men are much more interested in casual, no strings attached sex than women are.
While the recent emergence of online dating apps and a more common social acceptance of casual has emerged over the last decade, in many recent articles and books covering the topic of casual sex, including a recent Vanity Fair article, the women who have casual sex who were interviewed or featured consistently shared that they were not happy with their relationships and with the casual sex. Many elaborated that they don’t like the lack having of a more in-depth relationship, they don’t like the lack of intimacy, and sometimes they don’t even like the sex. The vast majority of women who actively participate in casual sex are in fact using it as a vehicle to discover a deeper, longer lasting relationship with their partner.
Dating apps have made meeting a stranger and having sex very fast and easy. In some circles, it is the most commonly accepted way to meet someone and have an intimate experience. For men this may seem like nirvana, having a bevy of beautiful women at the fingertips and being able to set up many dates in a single week, most of which will lead to sex. For women, dating and hookup apps have become the socially accepted way to meet interesting people and date, even it if means having unfulfilling sex with strangers more often that they would like.
However, when it comes to casual sex, single women are generally more open to the idea of having casual sex than married women. Statistics show that only 14% of married women have an extramarital affair for casual sex as compared to 22% of their husbands.
The membership statistics from the Ashley Madison membership, a website that encourages married people with others for the sole purpose of having casual sex, confirms that many fewer married women actively pursue casual sex than married men. At the time of the Ashley Madison website hack, there were approximately 28 million male members and only 5 million female members, and the members who had credit card information on file were almost exclusively men.
Married women generally have affairs because they are unhappy in their marriage, something in their relationship is not fulfilling them. Women know that casual sex is not going to make them any happier, in fact, research shows that married women who have an affair with multiple partners are more likely to become depressed. The affair does not fill the gap of whatever is missing from their marriage, it is only a pleasant distraction and fantasy to help them take their minds off of what is missing from the marriage.
The bottom line is that women as not as into casual sex as men are. Sure, they are participating in the game because that is what society is dictating today regarding how to behave and meet new people. Women are still looking for someone they can love and cherish and who will love and cherish them in return.
When men wake up and realize that they really desire a long-term, loving relationship, the world of casual sex is not as appealing. When women are able to stop playing the casual sex game and actually meet compassionate and loving men, then there is the possibility for long-term partnerships, fulfilling relationships and a love that is amazing beyond belief.
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